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Jaspers Advice – Comfy bed to stretch out in

Friday, March 19th, 2010 | Posted by Tracey at 2:33 pm

Dear Jasper,

I often struggle at night to get enough room in the bed to stretch out my doggy limbs to their full length, it doesn’t help that both my owners keep insisting that they want equal shares too.

Sleepless Scruff x

Dear Scruff,
Firstly, lucky you being allowed to sleep on a human bed at all, Sal says just because I make downstairs smell like a swamp that I can’t have her bed. I have offered not to roll in anything nasty and to keep out of the real boggy parts of the beck but she still refuses to let me up the stairs and instead provides me with a very comfy ’Dirty Dog’ bed in the dining room.

But here’s how to help you.

Firstly choose an allegiance to one or other of the bed sharers, checking which side of the bed is their preferred side. Then when it comes to bedtime allow ample room for that person to get into bed comfortably and then reluctantly concede to share what is left with the other person.

Turn your back to the person you like so that they can snuggle into you, and then breathe very heavily on the person opposite you ( particularly effective if you have found something smelly to eat earlier in the day!)

If that doesn’t seem to have an effect the odd occasional lick to their face usually gets them to turn over and this is where you strike, stretch out your legs as far as they will go and pretend to go into full-on dreaming mode, whimpering and pretend running ( our owners love it, so won’t get cross!) Each time just move them a little further to the edge of the bed.

There are now two options, either go for the full on rabbit chase dream and push them actually out of bed or carry on with the silly noises and fake run, they will get so fed up of your whimpering and fidgeting they will go and sleep on the couch. Result!

Now you have a whole side to yourself, if you are a particularly big breed or don’t wish to wake up to morning human breath, repeat the above actions to the other person. But be warned, use this move with caution as it may have the opposite effect and you could end up downstairs yourself. Quite literally ‘in the dog house’.!

Love from Jasper x

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Dog Wishes – I Wish I Could Be A Human

Friday, February 19th, 2010 | Posted by Tracey at 11:29 am

Dear Jasper,

I often watch my humans and wish I could be like them too. They seem to have such a fun life.

Wishful Westie Wendy x

Dear Wishful Wendy,
Being a human is not all it’s cracked up to be you know. They don’t have the fun we have. Last week my Dad was watching a ‘documentary’ on the TV where 22 men were running about a big field with only one ball to play with between them. But worse than that, there were thousands of other humans just sat watching at the sides and all around and they didn’t even get to touch the ball. Now if that had been us dog’s we would have all brought a ball each to play with or at least one between two! My dad was shouting at the TV and I tried to get him to let me in the garden and I would have shared my ball with him but he was too busy to notice.
And also humans have so many more rules than us. It’s great to be a dog because:

  • We can scratch ourselves in public, no matter where it itches,
  • We can roll on our backs, showing our bare tummies and our nether regions without being considered rude.
  • We never have to pay for dinner or provide presents for people out of our ‘own’ money. But we still get all the cuddles just because the card say’s it’s from the dog.
  • We can spend hours just sniffing stuff and still not get bored.
  • We are always excited to see the same old people. They only have to leave the room for 5 minutes and come back again and we greet them ecstatically.
  • We can pass wind in public and we don’t blush.
  • If we gain weight it’s someone else’s fault.
  • We don’t need a varied home entertainment system or play station, an old bone or a shoe can keep us occupied for hours.

And finally it’s great to be a dog because we never have to brush our own hair.

Love from Jasper x

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